Q: How long have
you been sober?
A: I’ve been
sober for about five months now.
Q: Do you still
find it difficult now that your body has gone through most of the
withdrawal?
A: Oh, yes,
absolutely. I feel like there is a hole inside of me, and that
everyone can see through it, and that they are all thinking that I’m
pathetic or something like that.
Q: Where do you
think this hole came from?
A: I used to
think that it came from my broken family. My parents divorced when I
was eight. I never really got over it. But now, I kinda think that I
just don’t know how to be an adult. I never really grew up.
Q: What do you
mean you never really grew up?
A: I’m an
adult, but I still feel weak and helpless, like a kid. I still feel
like I don’t have control over my own life, and like all I have to
do is step just a little bit off to the side, and all of it will just
go to pot.
Q: Is that why
you did drugs? To feel more in control?
A: Well, I
sometimes did them to feel more in control of my life, but mainly it
was because they took the edge off. I was so stressed out and worried
all the time, and alcohol made me not worry and marijuana made me
really enjoy myself.
Q: So, why did
you even stop abusing drugs and alcohol if they made you feel so much
happier?
A: I finally
realized that I was not the same person I was before I did the drugs.
I realized that I was someone else, and that I did not even know who
this new person was. I just really wanted to go back to the way
things were before I started abusing.
Q: Did they go
back to the way they were before you were abusing?
A: No, things are
very different now. It’s harder for me now, because I’m still
stressed out, and now I don’t have as much of my former identity as
before. It sucks a lot more now.
Q: Do you think
you’ll start abusing again?
A: It’s a
definite possibility. But I don’t want to go back to being someone
I don’t recognize. But I don’t want to be in pain like I am now,
either. I don’t really know what to do.
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